For the past several months, I’ve been hatching plans for a side project. Despite friends telling me how excited they were for it, deep down I didn’t really want to take it on. The day I forked over a check to a website designer to implement my faux dream I cringed; because I knew I would ultimately abandon my goal and my savings account would bear the burden.
But just the other night, sitting in front of the computer and reading a trivial article about celebrity fashion simply to avoid making headway on this extracurricular mission, I said to myself, ‘I don’t really want to do this.’ So, I’m not.
The sense of liberation I feel is tremendous. While I spent so much time working on this creative endeavor, instead of feeling the hours were wasted, I know they were useful. They sharpened my imagination, and they allowed me to see how I can incorporate some of the elements I was most excited about into other experiences that are more relevant to me.
Self-realization, however, was the most important aspect of this journey. I was so adamant about bringing this project to life not because I was passionate about it, but because I had tried my hand at something similar several years ago that was ultimately a failure and I never quite got over it. With this, I told myself, I would be vindicated, like toughing it through a bad second marriage because the first ended in divorce. That’s not the proper inspiration and motivation to get a job done well.
As a perfectionist, it’s hard for me to embrace less than successful outcomes, but this time around, I’m delighted I’ve grown wise enough to see that this aborted opportunity means a better suited one is waiting in the wings.